You know the commandment which says, “Be faithful in marriage.” But I tell you that if you look at another woman and want her, you are already unfaithful in your thoughts.
Matthew 5:27-28 CEV

“Adultery occurs in the head long before it occurs in the bed.”
Chuck Swindoll

So many marriages are failing today across the world for various reasons too numerous to mention. However, one of the major killers of marital bliss is infidelity.

A huge number of marriages are plagued with the issue of adultery. In most cases, either parties, husbands and wives are engaged in such acts.

Nobody sets out to cheat on his spouse. No husband intentionally goes out of his way to sleep with another woman other than his wife and likewise, no woman will intentionally open her legs for another to plunge his manhood into her womanhood.

Giving one’s body to another person other than one’s spouse could be very devastating to that spouse if he or she finds out.

Adultery or infidelity as the case may be, does not just happen instantaneously, rather it happens gradually. Nobody wants to engage in infidelity, yet so many are engaging in it. That you’re not having sex with another person other than your spouse does not mean you’re not in the process of adultery.

The following are the stages of adultery:

The first stage of adultery is admiration. Admiration is the foundation of adultery. When you start admiring another person more than your spouse, you are heading towards infidelity.

Always admire your spouse. Let your spouse always be handsome or beautiful in your eyes. After all, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and beauty is skin deep. Don’t marry anyone you don’t admire, else you’ll engage in adultery.

Be careful how you praise the body shape and figure of someone else other than your spouse. Build that desirable look in your spouse. For instance, if your husband is skinny and you’re admiring another man for being macho, quickly encourage your husband to get to the gym and build up so that he can be your sex symbol.

If admiration is left unchecked, it gradually leads to attraction. If you get attracted to another person other than your spouse, you are already far gone in infidelity, unknowingly.

Check your attraction towards someone else and stop it immediately. As you start getting attracted, gynephilia or androphilia as the case may be, sets in.

After getting attracted, you start thinking about the person. You start fantasizing about the person. The person occupies your mind most of the time. If care is not taken, you start masturbating with the picture of the person in your mind or even with the person’s physical picture or picture from your phone.

You begin to think about the person most of the time. At this time, you begin to wish it was this person you married and not your spouse. Sometimes, when having sex with your spouse, you have the image of the person before you and not your spouse. At this point, you are actually sliding very fast towards the actual act of adultery.

You start showing affection towards this person. You become pleasant, friendly, kind and loving. You start showering the person with gifts. At some point, you no longer have restraints in the show of affection. You even start giving underwears as gifts.

At this point, you’re beginning to cross the line.

Communication is the bond of relationship. You inadvertently become very close to the person you communicate with regularly and frequently.

When you start communicating with another person of the opposite sex more than your spouse, all is not well.

You begin to text, call and chat for minutes and hours. The calls, texts and chats gradually start having emotional, romantic and sexual tones, undertones and overtones.

You start deleting texts, chats and call logs.

At this point, you’re just a few steps to the actual act of sex.

At this point, you start being very interested in the affairs of this new found fancy of yours.

The person’s joy becomes your joy and his or her pain equally becomes yours.

Your life suddenly gets intertwined with the person’s life.

Note that you are very close to danger now.

You now sacrifice your time and resources towards making this person happy and comfortable.

You start starving your spouse of affection, attention and finances so that you can shower it on this your ‘new source of happiness’

You become so dedicated and committed to the person that everything about you revolves around the person.

At this point, you are just two steps away from sex but you are already in adultery fully.

You start dressing to tease and please your ‘new love’. Whenever you’re around the person, you flash some smile and some flesh, either wittingly or unwittingly.

You begin to allure and lure the person.

You send your best pictures to the person.

At this point, you’ve fallen headlong and you’re just one step away from sex with a strange flesh.

Having passed through all the other stages, the only desire in your spirit, soul and body becomes sex with this stranger turned lover.

You begin to crave the embrace, touch, caress, smooch, warmth, hardness or wetness of the person and pronto, given any opportunity, you’ve had sex with another person other than your spouse.

Initially you may feel bad and try to desist but if care is not taken you may continue.

At this stage, you get hooked to the person because stolen waters is sweet, especially if the person satisfies you sexually more than your spouse.

Adultery or infidelity, as the case may be, does not happen by mistake but it happens by foolishness.

Love your spouse; forgive your spouse promptly; be attractive to your spouse; maintain cordial relationship with your spouse and ‘do the do’ as many times as possible.

Befriend your spouse and make him your best friend.

Mfon Udoema
Pastor, Prophet, Accountant, Author, Poet.

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